Frozen Feelings

Beyond the hot sun

2010-06-03T16:00:00.000+05:30

That rosebed of a path that he once tread
Somehow over time he began to dread
The fragarent flowers that filled his morn
Now he felt nothing but scorn.
The beautiful trees that put him to sleep
Left in him a void so very deep.
Everything beautiful, everything pristine
Yet he longed for something unseen

On the rocky path of dirt and mire
Not the cool shades, nor the zephyr
The nature of jungle was his way
For that is where his soul lay
Into the wild he wanted to run
Back to himself, completely undone
A battle with oneself to be won
Into the world beyond the hot sun.

2010-05-03T10:59:00.001+05:30

Ye wohi hai jo na tha kabhi
kabhi hota toh ye na hota
abb jo hai toh sochte hai
jo ye hai toh kya hua?

pathar mein doondte hai khuda
jahaan insaan kabka pathar hua
abb jo dil aaina hain koi
kaho woh khuda kyun na hua?

2010-05-02T22:45:00.002+05:30

maazi ke aaine mein dekha yunhi
aks mein jaane kaun ajnabi tha
paas aaya, muskuraaya aur bola
"pehchaana mujhe?
Kabhi tum mai hua kartey thei"

2009-11-04T21:22:00.001+05:30

teri aankhon ke raaste se guzar kar
kahin kho chuka hun main,
thaam lo mujhko ki tum mein sama kar
khud ko bhula chuka hun main,
nahin dekhti ruh ki kya hai pehrahan uska
aaine mai tumko hee dekhta hun main
hai khil rahi kokh mohabbat ki
tumhi se hi lo abb janma hun main

2009-02-25T01:00:00.002+05:30

(A friend complained as I was not going to attend her marriage so following shayari came out during conversation.)

Majboor hun halaat se varna kya tha mere dost
Tere liye toh jaan bhi dete mere dost.
Tu hai ik tukda iss chote se dil ka mere dost
Hai naginaa tu pyar ka aye mere dost.

*********************************************

(A friend asked for another shair after i had finished telling her one above. So said the following four lines)

Meri dukaan mein samaan bahut kam hai
Iss dimaag ke khet ki upajh bahut kam hai
kabhi kabhi hee nikalte hai nagine aise koi
varna kuch likhen iski hasiyat zara kam hai

Idea

2009-02-25T00:47:00.005+05:30

(Written the poem in two different versions)

Version 1.
------------------------------------------------
Ideas wander aimlessly in the garden of my mind
Jumping from one far corner to another
Talking, blaberring, running, walking, playing
These uselessly meaningful yet aimless ideas of mine.

Ideas of life, ideas of death,
Ideas of pain, ideas of happiness,
Thoughts of the impossible,
Memories of the bygones,
Feelings of the unfelt,
Fears of the unknown.

An idea for an idea,
They make me cringe,
They make me stare
Sometimes force me to hide
Sometimes force me to bare.

They hold secrets to my salvation
They mock silently at my desperation
Sometimes I try and crush them,
And they do retreat;
But in this victory of mine I feel defeated
And in this defeat germinates another idea.
Ah!! my agony, my peace, my ideas.

*****************************************************

Version 2
---------------------------------------------------
From the deepest recesses of my heart
where day and night meet,
where seasons intermingle,
where rivers fly and sky flows,
where the world is not what it seems;
does an idea germinate.

Kept under the carpet of a silent conscious
where rainbow of my dreams takes shape,
where seeds of impossible are nourished,
where flowers of my garden bloom,
where life walks her first steps;
does an idea grow.

Through the garden of my consciousness
where fragerance of my memories flow,
where energy of my thoughts run,
where eyes of my world see through,
where castles of dreams get finally built;
does an idea find shape.

Through the fingers of that slight of hand
where conscious no more leads but is led,
where confusion silently finds peace,
where desperation looses all strength,
where salvation of the soul is final;
does an idea find identity.

The blood flows

2009-01-24T18:42:00.002+05:30

His sunny day just turned dark
As the killers strolled in his park
Hitting him, maiming him, blow by blow
Till his soft blood began to flow.

You infidel will have to pay for sins
In destroying you; our belief wins
When and how we hit; you will never know
Everywhere your sinful blood will flow.

Sinful for not being them; he wondered
Where in his birth had he blundered?
A small child was he; didn't they know
Why did they want his blood to flow?

Soon the fourth estate gained control
Zoom in, zoom out, the child has a role
A day-night affair, fodder for show
For some more time the blood should flow.

Meanwhile the guardians claimed revenge
Every injury, every hurt to be avenged
Lord Bush patiently will listen to our woe
Enough! No more will the blood flow.

The neighbours began to chant peace
Claimed to suffer from same disease
Talks and discussions now the new show
And the blood continued to flow.

You and I were outraged, very angry
Enough we had; enough of modesty.
But they say time heals; and so
In the memory did the blood flow.

Last heard, the child is up and running
Has started to play, his pain is regressing.
The child is resilient; has overcome the blow
For his blood has dried from the flow.

And now, we are back to being we
Showmans us all, we wait to see
When the killers strike another blow
Another child's blood to flow.

Empty Commotion

2008-11-19T01:17:00.003+05:30

A glimpse slowly trailing away
from the corner of the eye
disappearing into the dark silent lanes.
A moment, in just a tiny moment
time travelled backwards
sinking the heart, sinking the soul
Something stirred within that left numb
a feeling, an emotion untouched.
Questions flew, digging something deep
And then deeper than before.
For first time there were no answers
Nothing black, nothing white
Like a bolt from the blue.
Unexpected the frenzy, uninvited the pain
Something unfelt, something untouched
as heart and mind froze with commotion,
of too many things and yet a void.
Bottled up within, or already let out?
Confusion for no answers come forth
just a well building up in the eyes
and without a warning;
the tears flow.

Rose

2008-11-07T16:25:00.003+05:30

Why did the gardener plant the rose?
Did it matter if the rose knew not?
For it wasn’t about the garden she worried,
in her own existence did she glow.

She smiled to innocent songs of the birds.
She played with the soft silky butterflies.
She danced with leaves that adorned her
and comforted the sulking thorns.

An existence that grew in self indulgence
she painted her world with red.
Beautiful and pleasant with cheerful playfulness
from the love and pride for one's self.

Why then did the wind choose otherwise?
Why then he called for her destruction?
One by one why did he wither away
her very delicate, very soft petals?

What sadistic pleasure did he get by destroying
the very existence of an innocent love?
What sinful pleasures did he enjoy by peeling
a lively being of her ever glowing skin?

And when he completely annihilated her
did he expect the fragrance to fade?
Or was he completely stupefied
as he watched the rosebud
bloom to life again?

Did he stare in disbelief
at his power rendered frivolous?
While the rosebud laughed and sang
a silent challenge -
"Come On, destroy me again".

Alvida

2008-11-04T19:58:00.000+05:30

Hai thandi hawayaen bahaar ki sehlaati
Ae jism ko jhulsaati jaalati luu;
alvida...

Hai sawaan ki boondein pyaas bhujati
Ae tapish mosam-e-garma ki;
alvida...

Hai phool khil rahe umeed ke aangan mein
Ae mayoos hui sooni banjarr zameen;
alvida...

Hai roshan uske noor se mera ashiyaan
ae ghar mein basse andhere kamre;
alvida...

Hai dil khil raha uski muskurahat se
ae yaadein un tanha asoouon ki;
alvida...

Hai rooh mein doobi hui ab saansein uski
ae pal pal tadapti sisakti zindagi;
alvida...

Sorry

2008-07-17T12:01:00.001+05:30

In these hands of clay
muddled and confused as they may;
Still their faith rested in them
and the hands played along.

In these hands of clay
promises of heavenly beauty lay;
In scripting a wonderful life story
the hands tried being God.

In these hands of clay
dragged them on my very own way;
And when they reached the inevitable
the hands moved along.

In these hands of clay
did not the hands of almighty lay;
And when the final blow came hard
the hands felt small.

In these hands of clay
tearful and regretful are now they;
For the mess added in their lives
the hands are sorry now.

Khali lamhe...

2008-06-23T18:46:00.000+05:30

Khali lamhe tere naam, tere liye
ke dil bheeg raha teri surat se;
Jo rehti hai zehan mein kahin,
uthal puthal chalti rehti yahin;
Ke tum ho jo ho; bas aur koi
aaye na aaye, jaaye na jaaye;
Mere liye toh tum nahin, koi nahin

Lust

2008-06-16T01:10:00.000+05:30

Everywhere everytime, a shadow
Lingering with me forever,
Casting on my being an endless darkness

Been years since you captured
rendering me incomplete;
taking away from me my soul
corrupting the blood through the veins

A dual personality,
Me and him
you split me up.

One white and pure,
red like rose with love
that seeks to reach divine;
The other black, pitch black
threatening the other.
Ah! the lustful animal,
the devil.

How many fights more to fight
between me and me?
Where do the answers lie
annihilation or assimilation
of each other?

Oh you devil enough have I had
leave me now or take me away;
forever....

Where were you?

2008-06-06T01:12:00.001+05:30

When among the ruins of my actions
Was my body breaking, shattering
Longing for a hand to hold one last time;
Oh! The hand that now is mine to hold,
Where were you?

When in the seeping chilling winds
Was I shivering, freezing
From the want of warmth of human touch;
Oh! The hug that warms my cold skin now,
Where were you?

When in the arid lands of wander
Was my skin peeling with simmering heat
That choked my throat into silence;
Oh! The nectar that now quenches my thirst,
Where were you?

When in the dark alleys of lust
Was my soul turning blackish red
From the dust of the sinful skin;
Oh! The light that clearly lights my path now,
Where were you?

When silence sometimes questioned
Was my heart seeking answers everywhere
For at rest was never my soul;
Oh! The answer now to all my questions,
Where were you?

When then do I get the answer
As my heart finally sees you
From the depth of depths it says;
Oh! every pain, every agony readied me for you,
that is where my love, were you.

Teri Aankhen

2008-05-30T23:23:00.000+05:30

Subah ki dhoop mein khili Jheel koi
Safed khamosh ajab gehri;
Teri aankhen

Barsaat mein bheege patte ke jaise
Khusbu mein doobi rehti;
Teri aankhen

Thakaan dinn ki pal mein mitjaaye
Deti ajab sa sakoon hai;
Teri aankhen

Paar karr jaaon khud ko inme samaakar
Hai pukaarti mujhe;
Teri aankhen

Ek khoobsurat ehsaas daudta hai lahoo mein
Choo leti hai jab meri rooh ko;
Teri aankhen

Lagta hai inka haque hai mere wajood parr
Jab dekhkar sharmaa jaati hai;
Teri aankhen.

Khuda se hai ek aakhri dua meri
Harr Subah meri dekhe bass;
Teri aankhen.

I want to BE

2008-04-18T14:42:00.001+05:30

Lost to time
Blank like a zombie
Clouds hover over my head
Hands could never see

Wave them off they blur
My vision into darkness
Let me be here for a while
In my world of ignorance

For your world seeks to drink
My blood and my soul
Push me into a shell
Cage me into that pigeon hole

Let me say the final goodbyes
To you and to time
For now it doesn’t matter anymore
Neither ridiculous nor sublime

So don’t come to me
For there is nothing to offer
Stop digging and poking me
Silence has emptied my coffer.

And now, I just want to BE
Exist for no reason at all
A rock stoic and unmoved
Come winter, come fall.

Growing Tall

2008-04-04T19:30:00.000+05:30

Standing at the start
after the end of beginning
walk begins on the new path
chosen for you

and you walk....

on the rosebeds of love
through the thorns of hate

Oceans call out on you
to a new island of greneery,
of life....

Emotions like waves start engulfing
blurred visions begin to clear
as heart begins to smile

The familiar begins to creep in
But with a freshness anew
the swim becomes a pleasure
and you float

dreams, hopes, castles, desires
and everything beautiful
in future beckons

The fear of being drowned again
slowly and slowly dies
and when u think -
nothing could go wrong
that path takes a u-turn

And then you find yourself
back again where you started
the cycle completes itself...

And then you wonder
why did it ever have to start?
Whether you moved a step forward
Or was it a step back?

But then my friend,
the question isnt about progress
for the time is still
doesnt move at all.
And all that ever matters is -

Did the I shorten
Or
Did he grow tall?

Payback

2008-03-27T17:45:00.001+05:30

Moments collected in the lap of time
Carefully preserved, nurtured
Like a seed carefully nourished to grow
Into the tree that dreams made

With colored love of self
The cradle rocked in hands
That gave life only to ensure
Wings of their desires fulfilled

Each swing of the cradle accompanied
Another step towards that castle
Built long before that oblivious seed
Slept serenely in the womb

This castle of stealth never apparent
Even to the owners who guarded
Ignorant but fearful they
Counted with trembling hands

Each innocent baby step of yours
Build the path to their castle
Every small touch of yours
Painted the walls of their castle

And as you grew in their eyes
So did their eyes grew
Slowly; as your path led you
Away from their castle

The womb ached and cried betrayal
Hands hardened with anger
Slapped destiny on you
The womb demanded payback

The bell is blowing again

2008-02-12T15:25:00.001+05:30

the fate bell is blowing again
piercing through a silent pain
the knock of death is getting louder
scary waves are splashing harder
castle made of dreamy sands
captive to those to fateful hands
withering away into the inevitable
destiny slapping his usual label
on forehead of this mere mortal
"thy happiness is unacceptable"

Tum

2008-01-02T19:51:00.000+05:30

Tapti dhoop mein peid ki chaaon ho tum
Garm din ko nehlati shaam ki hawa ho tum
Raat ke andhere ko mitaata ishraaq ho tum
Mere liye toh har pal, har paher ho tum.

Gulaab ke phool ki khusbhu ho tum
Narm ghaas mein subah ki oos ho tum
Kissi sote bacche ki hassi ho tum
Mere liye toh saari qayanaat ho tum.

Saaz ko sajaate naye surr ho tum
Geeton mein soz laate shabd ho tum
Nazm mein basi hui tawaazum ho tum
Mere dil se likhi shayari ho tum.

Akelepan mein ek akele saathi ho tum
Khayalon mein bassi tasveer ho tum
Harr pal mein jeeti hui saans ho tum
Meri nazron mein basti woh shakl ho tum.

Aaankhon mein ghum hui khushi ho tum
Sookhe hothon ko bigota raal ho tum
Khali hathon mein basi lakeer ho tum
Mere liye toh ab taqdeer ho tum.

Aasmaan se toote hue ek taare ho tum
Aakhri saanson mein bassi jaan ho tum
Doobte ko sahara deta woh tinka ho tum
Meri umeedon ka aakhri kinara ho tum.

Har waqt hai chaya ek junoon ho tum
Iss kafir ki pehli bandagi ho tum
Hai maloom nahi tumhe kya ho tum
Mere liye abb meri zindagi ho tum,
Sirf Tum.........

Safed Deewarein

2007-11-22T23:34:00.000+05:30

Subah ki kachi dhoop se
Shaam ki thandi hawa takk
Dekhti hai jaane kiski raah?
Dhoondti hai bikhre saamaan mein
Kiska ye ata pata?
Koi bhoola hua aks
Jo ghum hua kahin waqt mein?
Ya phir kahin koi ehsaas
Jo ab tak na chada sooli pe?
Khali khidkiyaan, khali darwaaze
Aur inka saath nibhati ye
Gawah bhi, humraaz bhi
Dost bhi, dushman bhi
Kaisa rishta ajeeb sa ye?
Aur inpe sajane ki koshish
Tasveerein kuch idhar udhar
Bikhre hue alag thalag
Kuch bolti nahi,
koi kahani kehti nahi
Bass ek koshish kuch alag si
Kuch bhi jo dikhe nayi si
Ya phir chupade woh daag purane
Bikhre pade jo iske wajood parr
Saaf dikhai dete hai jo
Meri aankhon mein jeete hai jo
Cheekh cheekh karr karti fariyaadein
Mere ghar ki safed deewarein.

Pseudo-Gods

2007-11-14T00:09:00.000+05:30

The All encompassing,
the all knowing,
superior being they are;
For they know what life they live
And How yours - the ignorant, pathetic,
in line should fall.

Every molecule of air
that ever was, is and will be
They have seen it all,
they see it all;
Believe me for this is no kidding
They are the all powerful, all knowing
Superior race of the human race
The champions of your cause,
these self proclaimed, self consumed Gods.

"Our eyes judge no one, see everyone the same"
the claim echoes through you ears
While in the quieter hours when no one watches
The hate hiding behind the evil mind,
shouts out their real fears.

While you;
Quietly consumed in the false world
A lust sanctified by their greed;
Of reaching the gates of heaven as promised
A place none knows if anyone reached.

And I;
Know their nakedness, and yours too
Though you both wear clothes shining new
The lust for greatness and immortality
for you; this is where it all begins
While these Pseudo-Gods shut their ears
to the reality that silently sings

"Worthy of worship, you never were
Their guilts make you the lord
For in dark hours when no one sees
I hear you cry - Oh GOD!"

Rihaai

2007-11-07T00:20:00.000+05:30

Khidkiyaan nahi dekhti abb raah meri
Hai darr se naam mitt chuka mera;
Kasm phir milne ki na de mujhe
tera koocha nahi dekhta raasta mera.

Aakhon mein nahi basti soorat meri
In hothon pe nahi rehta abb naam mera;
Mohabbat ka vaasta na de mujhe
ke tera dil nahi raha aaina mera.

Baaton mein nahi woh shiddat purani
Hai hassi mein chuppa ye sach tera;
Rishta raha na koi tera mujhse
hai begaana ho chala aks tera.

Aansuon se nahi likhte kahani
Ke Khungar ho chuka hai dil mera;
Jaa karr diya azaad tujhe mujhse
hai fanaah ho chuka beetab tera.

The Pendulum

2007-11-05T23:57:00.000+05:30

Between the black real and white imagination,
Between the thoughtless words and sage silence,
Between the soothing tears and the crackling laughter,
Between the evil smile and the innocent cry;

Between the den of satan and temple of God,
Between the darkness of night and morning light,
Between the ignorance and the wisdom,
Between the truth and what escapes the eye;

Between the uninhibited lust and pure love,
Between the actions of hand and feelings of heart,
Between the me that is and the me imagines to be,
Between the loud happiness and silent sigh;

The pendulum of time swings, swiftly
Seconds lost to minutes, and minutes to hour
Running in the quest of the ultimate truth;
Between the extreme shores of the sea of I.

Red Cloth

2007-10-15T16:44:00.001+05:30

Red cloth hidden beneath
the carpet of black noise.

Noise that echoes nothing else
but the songs of silence.

Silence that speaks a thousand words
of lies camouflaged as truth.

Truth that eyes see but accept
only the images of the mind.

Mind that conjures up a world
that is slaved to perception.

Perception corrupted by experiences
that ages of masking teaches life.

Life that threatens extinction of soul
lost to the veils of man's lust.

Lust that grows to an obsession
deriving pleasure out of your dead skin.

Skin that hides itself from the chill
from which saved me my white cloth.

Cloth that you snatched away and stained
with the red blood of my being.

Being that now in vain cries
"Give my white cloth back"

The Devil

2007-10-12T15:31:00.000+05:30

Always feeds on me,
A parasite eating into me
And I let him do so
Knowingly, and
at times unknowingly,
though I very well know;
Like a leech sucking me,
he never leaves.

He makes me do things
Mean, sinful and evil;
And times a little good,
a good that is more evil,
than evil himself can be,
For the devil grows bigger;
Stronger every second,
holds me captive,
he never leaves.

Detest him with all my heart,
I honestly do.
Yet he lives with me,
has captured by home.
Even though I want to throw him out
He wouldn't go;
For I pull him back,
back into me.
But then I pull nothing,
for he never leaves.

Everywhere the eyes run,
he stands tall, mocking;
Everything the hands try reaching,
he feels first, snatching;
Everywhere the legs climb,
he follows, shadowing.
I push him away, spit at him
he laughs aloud, doesn't budge;
he never leaves.

Inside deep within me,
he plays unabated, runs around
Outside of me he blinds
my every action, every sound;
My existence slaved, identity bleeds
While this devil, my ego;
he never leaves.

Contradiction

2007-10-09T15:29:00.000+05:30

In silence, gratification of soul
a celeberation of self one feels;
Yet the ears long to hear
meaningless words that someone speaks.

Enjoying the closed doors lonliness
the space belongs to you and just you;
Yet a possession of nothingness
this sense haunts every second new.

Pride in a life lived by will
of rules followed of none but own;
Yet a direction lost to time
long tiresome walk on a path unknown.

Doesn't matter how world perceives
for the "I" stands tall;
Yet the hands reach out to hold someone
saviour from that inevitable fall.

Darkness is a friend for life
care not for brightness anymore;
Yet the eyes keep staring at
that conspiciously fated open door.

The Window View

2007-09-14T19:26:00.000+05:30

The sun is sleeping
Covered behind the quilt of clouds;
Quiet. Silent.

Buildings hide my view
Concrete jungles these;
Magnificient. Monsterous.

Trees call out the name
Overlooking their own world;
Majestic. Beautiful.

Blend is perfect but something amiss
Static trees. Static air. Nothing moves;
Lifeless. Stale.

What misses yet pierces through?
Soul contemplating nothingness;
Mute. Thirst.

The Soldier Says

2007-09-12T10:48:00.001+05:30

(Today is my last day in the current company)

A dream carpeted under their lust
Scattered, supressed, delinquished.
A future blackened by their ambition
Coloured, muddled, defeated.

Carry on bearing the torch of their ego
Till it burns your hand and your being
Ashes will remain of the self that was
Cry and fret as much, no one is seeing.

Walked a thousand miles and tired
Your legs give in to defeat
And then the wind changes direction
History after all does repeat.

So yet another defying moment
Written on the pages of history
As another soldier moves on
Towards a new goal, a new mystery.

But before the final step he takes
Gratitute expresses itself in eyes
For the wonderful love you gave
Stays forever even though time flies.

So this is what the soldier says
As the water under the bridge flows
"Remember me, my friend
Never say Adios".

Kashmir

2007-09-10T17:34:00.000+05:30

Faint memories still linger,
Of the times when the child
danced in your lap,
kissed your red cheeks,
Hung on tightly, felt you.
A beautiful dream,
A beautiful being,
Uncorrupted. Unsullied.

But always a simmering undercurrent
As time progressed,
the fresh air became stale.
Their lust never waned, only grew
Your face, your breasts, your bossom
An obsession, a perversion.

The joyful dance was cut short,
Wonder years lost to
Blood, gore, rape and destruction
A new essence of life dawned
Meaningless, directionless.
A black hole staring into infinity.

Roses began to grow cactus
The fertile body became arid,
Devoid of life, devoid of hope
The pieces lay scattered everywhere
All around nothing but annhilation.

Slowly the pieces were stiched together
Away from your grace and your love.
Life started to ensemble,
the leftover debris.

And you, my mother
Repeatedly cut by those demons,
Repeatedly raped every night,
Your wails echo, as you silently cry
But no one cares, shamelessly
neither do I.

A Beautiful Lie

2007-09-10T09:25:00.000+05:30

The mirror is drunk, it blurs
it shows twins
Purity masks the sins.

The lips dont listen, they blabber
something innocous,
Speaking heart is dangerous.

The Road is treacherous, it betrays
smiles hide the sigh
Walk your muddy head held high.

Break the mirror a thousand pieces
Thread these lips forever,
Burn the treacherous road to ashes,
Set me free I want to fly,
Tell me a beautiful lie.

Wanderer

2007-09-09T21:06:00.000+05:30

Droplets of soul trickle down
through the fingers,
Drying the veins a little more
As the camouflage of skin blends deeper,
occupying nothingness.

Bones crack, then join again to a symphony
That arm of life plays with heart of death
Sometimes singing to the perfect tune of pain
In rhythm of waves of sadness,
that Wet the shores of the oceanic heart
And at times,
Weeping to the esctasy of victory, a moment
To be lived and then forgotten again

A walk through the jungles of lonliness
Where the wild succumb to the domesticated
And where the good gets evil,
More evil that evil himself can be
And at times,
A stationary blob, staring into that wall
Though visible yet an infinity
of mirages and melanges,
of hues and cries,
of solitude and companionship.

Pendulum swings from left to right
or is it back and forth
But doesnt matter, or rather it does
For the direction of air changes
The staleness remains.
Breathing it, feeling it, letting it seep
exfoliating the soul further,
only to add another layer

A Seeker of something not seen,
But something called own
Seeking what? If only I had known.

Last Man Standing

2007-09-06T12:03:00.000+05:30

Blood colours the land with red
Mutiliated bodies decorate these ruins;
hear the silence cry.

Comrades and friends lost to gore
Every bullet piercing another heart;
see through the blinded eye.

Air smells of decay as the corpses live
No human nor animal in sight;
talk to yourself a beautiful lie.

Blood oozes out of fresh wounds of victory
No win or loss, the pain feels no more;
drag on till you sigh.

Thunderous claps welcome the hero
The victor, the last man standing;
Or, the next one to die.

Hamaam

2007-09-05T17:22:00.000+05:30

Woh lagate hai kafir ka ilzaam humpe
Taane bhi bahut kaste hai

Hum Bhut parast, badakhuar, nafarmaan
Hamare khoon ke woh pyase rehte hai

Dekh ke hamari khana badhoshi ko
Khoon ke aansu woh peete hai

Jigar jalta hai, dhuan uthta hai
Hamari mayyat ke woh dua karte hai

Dekh kar hamare kate kafn ko
Woh apne naye kapdon se dhool mitate hai

Gehnoh ke chaka chaund se woh
Roshni hamari kamm karna chahte hai

Kyun hum fikr karen guroor ka inke betaab
jab hamaam mein sab nange hote hai.

Lifetime

2007-09-01T22:10:00.000+05:30

Through the debris of hopes and dreams
Ages of coma slowly gave way
From The darkness plunged into stealth
A small creek left open
And a small ray of light seeped through.

Stale cells lifeless, blind for years
Slowly opened eyes to the world
Deafening noise of the silence
Slowly but surely weaknened
With every crackle of the echoing laughter.

Fortress of practised yet fake strength
Could see the wind, the rain seeping through
Cracking centuries of laboured power
Weakness was never as empowering
For once the blackness went blue.

Rains wetted the weathered dry skin
Zephyr kissed the soul for the first time
Scorching hot sun gave way to warmth of spring
In the Freedom of those captive arms
Just a year, but lived a lifetime.

Mirror

2007-08-31T12:38:00.001+05:30

She puts on her best dress
and the shining red lipstick to impress
With matching jewellery to go
She readies herself to show.

She talks to herself, boastfully sings
Praising the image that she imagines
All women will be red and fuming
And men would ogle like dogs lavitating.

Happy in her own image she tip toes
But before she goes
Around she turns to admire
Herself in the mirror

Moments pass...
A crash echoes through the room
As the glasses suffer the doom
For she couldnt stand to suffer
The sight of the ugly mirror.

Ahadh

2007-08-27T16:40:00.001+05:30

Tere bin kaise jiyunga nahi jaanta
Parr intezaar rahega tera qayamat takk.

Tumhe door takk doondenge meri nazren
Aas rahegi tumhari meri saansein doobne takk.

Katenge jo pal tumhari yaad mein
Unhe sajaaonga mai apni kabr takk.

Hai ye ahadh betaab ka tumse
Rahoge tum mere khayalon mein taa umr takk.

Kya Hua

2007-08-24T12:22:00.001+05:30

Kya hua gar mayoos hai ghum-e-dil
Kahin tho koi chehra hasta hoga.

Kya hua jo sirf kaante hai daaman mein
Kahin tho koi gulshan mehakta hoga.

Kya hua jo sitare chod gaye andheron mein
Kahin tho koi diya roshan hua hoga.

Kya hua jo raahein hai akeli sooni
Kahin tho koi kafila badta hoga.

Kya hua gar jannat naseeb nahi betaab
Kahin tho koi darr khula hoga.

Illusion

2007-08-20T17:23:00.000+05:30

In the vast expanse of this universe
From the depth of the oceans
To the heights of the highest of peaks
There was nothing and will be nothing
For all that exists is illusion of something
That you hold so dear to you was never yours
For before you and long after you are gone
Remains something that turns into nothing
And what you hold dear as everything,
germinates from nothing.

A Smile

2007-08-20T12:22:00.001+05:30

A Smile, the white smile
that silently walks across the innocent lips,
of a sleeping baby.
Shrouded in mystery of unknown,
of the world that belongs only to him,
a world of pure bliss and beauty.

A Smile, the grey smile
that jumps to the fake crying lips,
of the little boy.
Who gets the toy he so much tricked for,
his first step towards learning,
the art of deceiving.

A Smile, the gold smile
that shines through the greedy lips,
of the man.
Victory of fulfilling one greed
out of the thousands that he cherishes,
only to add a some more.

A Smile, the blue smile
that slowly emerges from the beautiful lips,
of the lover.
When the cupid strikes and life,
seems a beautiful love story,
untill the fate bell rings and truth is out.

A smile, the red smile
that hides the truth of the cunning lips,
of your so called friend.
Who waits for the time to be ripe,
when it would hurt the most,
stabs your back with one swipe.

A smile, the black smile
that colours my quiet placid dry lips,
when you smile.
Tells the tale of you and me,
What it was and what it could be,
I was never you,
And you never me.

A smile, the colourless smile
that no one sees coming to the dead lips,
when you are gone.
A smile that says it all ended,
A smile of life assimilated,
No colour would again be needed.

Happy Independence Day

2007-08-17T18:01:00.001+05:30

Head burns in fire of bloodlust
Arms ache from death blows
She sees her body been coloured
Veins broken, white blood flows.

Her smiles lost in cries of pain
For her children die of hunger
And saviours she entrusted them
Feast on their skin, become deadlier.

Demons walk the streets freely
Rule on every spec of your life
You are not safe from them
Nor your children, or your wife.

The mother wails in silent agony
Slaved for you are blithe
Every day dying a slow death
Prosperity and happiness; just a myth.

But then, who cares let us rejoice
For we live only for today
Enjoy, make merry, have fun; it's
Happy Independence Day

Intezaar

2007-08-13T17:08:00.000+05:30

Hai girebaan takk pahunchne ke unki koshish
Dekhein kitna nazdeek hum jaate hai.

Hai qatl karne ki hume unke nighahon ne thaani
Dekhein kitni der aur nazar milate hai.

Hai pareshan woh hamari fursat-e-hastee ko dekhkar
Dekhen kitne saal aur hum jee jalate hai.

Hai muflisi mein kati ye shaam-e-betaab ki
Dekhein kitne sadiyaan aur subah na aati hai.

When, Where, How?

2007-08-13T10:12:00.000+05:30

Hope;
that fairy who once cradled
The dreams of life, beauty and glory
Has deserted the beign
Walked away swiftly; suddenly
When, where, how?

Excitement;
that child who once ran
Through naked roads of bliss
In beauty of innoncence
Burned to ashes of the world; quietly
When, where, how?

Love;
The rose that bloomed
In the gardens of divine purity
Withering seasons and ages
Succumbed to guilty passions; knowingly
When, where, how?

A coming of age perhaps
Or the signs of death
Of the human that once lived.
Nothing excites,
No hope beckons,
No love lives,
Anymore.
Lost soul leased to time,
When, where, how?

Perfect I

2007-08-10T17:19:00.001+05:30

Topsy turvy muddy paths of plains,
Ever weakning soil of the majestic mountains,
Thorns piercing through beautiful flowers
Sand ridden beaches of the magnificient sea;

Faint darkness of the sunny bright day,
Starry brightness of the pitch dark night,
Deep crators fill the beautiful moon
Hot ball of fire is your life boon.

Imperfections like these and many more
Every beauty having a part to abhor
Even mother nature has imperfection
I wonder what makes you seek perfection.

No matter how hard you try,
fret, fume and sigh
There never was nor will ever be,
a perfect I

Please dont

2007-08-10T12:45:00.001+05:30

(This small piece is dedicated to Ruben and Pradeep (MY POET COMMUNITY) whom I have been frustrating with factory production of poems past few weeks..........)

No No, please dont hit me
I know You want to beat me
But trust I didnt do on purpose
This is the effect of ZONE curse.

I know not what and how I feel
For I too am surprised with this zeal
Of writing that never seems to stop
My thoughts flow from the source on top.

Who has been directing me to vent
All the frustrations that hell is bent
On making me feel through night and day
But somehow I am loving it this way.

So please dont fret and fume my friend
This road does never have an end
Your time will also come just wait
After all it just takes one smile of fate.

No Blame

2007-08-10T09:53:00.000+05:30

The signs were already there,
I chose to ignore them
The writings were on the wall
I chose not to read them

Sometimes the pain was too much to bear
I chose to not heal it
Sometimes the happiness in me was fake
I chose not to accept it.

Time presented me with lot of oppurtunities
Tried to show me the true picture
I chose to draw my own image
In an effort to defy the age old scripture.

That you dont get beyond what you deserve
There is something much bigger called destiny
So why then should I blame you for my mess
When fate ordained me to go through this misery.

Like a fish

2007-08-10T09:16:00.001+05:30

Like a fish freshly taken out of sea
Desperate to go back;
Was my hope desperate for you.

Like the desperation that makes the fish shiver,
Turn upside down, flip and flop,
Trying to survive on her last reserves,
Just for a second more;
Was how desperate hope made me for you.

And when all the struggle finally looses its strength
when she finally gives up that last breath
The sea that she so much longed for,
The sea that so much meant to her,
Looses its meaning to death;
So has your "I love you", lost on me.

Mere fanaah.....

2007-08-08T19:01:00.000+05:30

Mere fanaah hone ke thee unko bhi umeed
Tabhi tho aaye milne woh phool lekar

Hua afsoos ke abhi bhi zaanu pe khada hun
Tabhi tho chal diye aankon mein woh aansu lekar

Hum bhi na kahte baat ye jo unse kahi
Agar woh na rote mohabbat ke duhai dekar

Tha unka ghuman hamare garoor se ru ba ru
Varna thaam na lete unhe hum haath badakar

Chalo jo hua ab shiqwa kis baat ka karen
Jab manzoor nahi khuda ko, ho mera woh humsafar

VOID

2007-08-08T10:35:00.000+05:30

He talks to me at unearthly hours
Just when the world sleeps and I lie awake
He talks to me in the crowd
about the other world, the life beyond.......

He makes me fly through the dreamy sky
and at times throws me back on ground
He makes me smile in pain
and at times shows me the loss in gain....

He talks incessantly, blabbers a thousand words
Most of them nonsense, and sometimes sense
And then there are times when
He just keeps silent,
unsettling and unnerving me....

He is within me yet not me
Perhaps the real person I am
Or the one that I could be
He seems to be my alter ego
The reflections of whom only I see......

So fulfilling yet emptier he leaves me
Further into an abyss of unknown that he seeks
For beyond the realm of my sight,
To the deepest corner of my being
He knows each and every cell of my body.....

Hidden from everyone yet visible,
Like a friendly ghost who stalks
So empty yet so full, a being
of nothingness yet everything
He fuels the soul of my imagination
He, who is me yet a stranger,
this empty yet fullsome void..........

Another day

2007-08-02T23:15:00.000+05:30

White morning breaks the black night
I vigourously rub on the unrelenting eyes
Mind fights against the will of the heart
And as always, the mind wins.

The dusty, murky, noisy roads greet me
Screeching and repulsive sounds deafen me
Till I reach the den of the thousand animals,
whose blind ego walks on paths they dont see.

Time passes and this den comes to life
With the dead that walk around pretending,
Outdoing and outwitting each other in this game
Of quiet, skillful, aesthetic blood sucking.

The grey evening beckons me out of this den
But to the same old roads that never keep quiet
Then I reach my abode with an aching back
Sometimes to empty walls, sometimes to emptiness.

Hours pass as the grey evening walks back
To sleep into the pitch black night
The eyes slowly close as the body begins to wane
Another day thus wasted, standing in success lane.

To God

2007-08-02T11:40:00.000+05:30

They say you are omnipresent
And you know all that is deep inside
Then why should I go to temples
And beg you to be the guide.

All the wrongs that I did
And all the small things right
If they came only from you
Then why is there this neverending fight.

This battle within myself
Confrontation of good and evil
When you are the Good in me
And you created the devil.

I lay claims on everything I made
But they say it comes from you
Then why should I be put to test
When it is all predetermined by you.

Looking down from beyond those seven skies
Where you sit on your golden throne
You hold the thread that you have tied
And direct this puppet to tickle your funny bone.

What if I refuse to comply
Break these strings of slavery
But then wouldnt it be your will again
Of succumbing me to this meek bravery?

The Kite

2007-07-31T13:00:00.000+05:30

She flows high into that inviting blue sky
Dances with wind as he kisses her skin
In gay abandon she lives to be free
And begins to believe in her immortality.

The false pride begins to seep in
In her superiority, fooled into believing
That no power,heaven or earth
Could cut the flight of this rebirth.

She keeps drinking the ego poison
Then she loses that last bit of reason
In her own infallibility she begins to fall
And just then does the owner recall.

In few seconds that fantasy flight ceases
Crestfallen on ground she shreds into pieces
The freedom she thought was her right
Was slaved to the thread her owner had tied.

Hold me

2007-07-31T11:17:00.000+05:30

The cracks in the wall are widening,
The nails of time piercing
Deeper and deeper as resistance gives way
The practised smile of ages walks away.

Concealed within this empty heart
The pain of living rips me apart
My fakeness is loosing its colour
I am in disarray, complete disorder.

Ages have passed since I last slept
That peace of mind slowly crept
Away from me as truth of world prevailed
In every dream of victory, I failed.

Still holding on to something unknown
You perhaps, for only you have known
That every second I live to die
Please hold me, I dont want to cry.

Dope Shot

2007-07-30T12:34:00.000+05:30

That rule of the second
When time froze and,
the brain stopped working
you became a living dead.

You blabbered incessantly,
Your walk incoherent
All the world turned upside down
Time independent life, nothing left to repent.

The dope shot seeped into you
In trance you lost all your sense
Then what followed was mayhem
Everything became past tense.

Just one dope shot it was
Though you never realized
Its impact lasted a lifetime
Though you now look surprised

Nothing can be undone now
For all thats left is destruction
The dope shot of anger leaves
no room for resurrection.

The magnifying lens

2007-07-30T11:57:00.000+05:30

You twitch your eyes, focus hard
On those small-font words
That crawl like ants
On the pages of the book of your life
And you look for the magnifying lens.

You scan through every word in detail
Decipher hidden codes,
Read between the lines,
Try to make sense of what has gone by
In Legitimizing all your wrongs
In seeing false as your truth
even the crystal clear lens gets blurred.

As you confront the horrors of past
Your every effort of deceiving yourself
Of trying to find that image of truth
That you so much loved and cherished.
Untruth and deceit that you so lived by
Shake you body and they shake your soul
The lens you once held with hope
Breaks into a million pieces.

For there exists a far more powerful lens in you,
That never really lies, nor ever gets blurred
That you so dearly guard and keep wrapped
In the darkness that fuels your false ego
That magnifying lens is your heart,
he deciphers every minute cell of your soul.

The Well

2007-07-24T09:44:00.000+05:30

I crawl,
Parched, Starved, Thirsty
In vast barren desert land
with no sight of humans,
Nor animal, domestic or wild
Nor any shady tree to rest under.
The scorching sun, my sole company
burning my back, cracking my skin,
Peeling of those once soft
silken layers of grace....

I gather my last reserves for a final surge,
lift myself on the shaking arms, to see afar
As afar as these sand ladden eyes can;
To find a drop of water, my only hope
My searching eyes fix on that well
Old and deserted since ages it seems
Far like continents that I once wanted to win
A rush of energy runs through my veins,
hope perhaps;
And I crawl faster.....

Time passes like minutes,
which actually I guess are days
I reach that well,
Cling on to the walls,
as hope pulls me up, makes me stand
And then walks away
The well stares at me,
Dry and empty.......

Hope betrayed, Endurance gives way
and I fall back on ground,
famished, destroyed........

Ages pass and I dont leave that well
For I dont have the strength to move on
The fear of loosing again
makes me cling to that empty well
Even though i know fully
That it would never bear water
I still cling on it,
from an unreasoned, unsatisfying hope;

And then I see that angel coming...

She holds my hand, that gentle touch
She smiles at me, lifts me up
Nurses me, feeds my hunger
Makes me stand firm again
I begin to live again
I feel human again.
And just when I want her even more,
When my need for her crosses the limitless sky
When I get used to those soft tender hands
She takes her hands away
History repeats itself,
And I go back to where it all began.
Even though she walks away
That dry, empty well remains....

Bas Ek Baar

2007-07-13T12:57:00.000+05:30

Betaab raaton mein hun mai tanhai se baatein karta
Ke door hua tho kya, tu mere dil mein hai basta
Jis aag mein mai hun usi aag mein hai tu julasta
Phir kyun nahi tere naam se mera naam hai judta?

Din ke ujale mein jab mai kaam mein ulja rehta
Tu zehan ke kone se hai mujhse ye kehta
Tu mere ehsaas ko hai apne pyar se sajaata
Phir kyun nahi tere naam se mera naam hai judta?

Jab maazi ke zakhmo ka hisaab hai mujse hayaat leta
Jab dard ke woh lamhe phir mera dil hai yaad karta
Meri dil se uthi har tees ko tera dil mehsoos karta
Phir kyun nahi tere naam se mera naam hai judta?

Har khushi ka lamha hai adhoora mujhe chod deta
Har muskurahat meri hai ghum judai ka chupata
Meri hassi mein chupa dard sirf tu hee hai jaanta
Phir kyun nahi tere naam se mera naam hai judta?

Akeli rahoon mein hai gul bhi raigistaan dikhta
Tere bin mera jeena hai bekaar lagta
Aa meri zindagi tu mil mujhe, hai mera wajood tarasta
Bas ek baar kehde tere naam se mera naam hai judta.
Bas ek baar.....

Lost In Translation

2007-07-12T22:02:00.000+05:30

The love that we feel running through our veins
The happiness we get when hearts win over brains
The joy of inventing something after years of toil
The anger of betrayal that makes our blood boil.

Feelings like these and many more
Moments that pass never to encore
Moments of lows, moments of highs.
A small spark that touches our lives.
Moments like these are far and few
But these build the person called you.

And when you try to capture anew
The essence of the person that is you
Words fail to do a decent justice
Even though you may have years of practice.
Words can only describe how the world perceives you
But beyond words is the one that resides in you.

Like a foreign language book that conveys the story
Yet somehow looses the native's essence and beauty
Words that describe you is just an imagination
For the real you is somewhere lost in translation.

YOU

2007-07-12T12:42:00.001+05:30

When they blame you
and make their guilt your shame
When they doubt you
and give you derogatory name;
Look within yourself,
There is more to you than just a name.

When they paint you
and fit you in fixed frame
When they scare you
and on you put all the blame;
Feel within yourself a light burns,
Light of your soul, the neverending flame.

When they hurt you,
and make you feel lame
When they betray you
and say its all in the game;
Hear within yourself, HE says
"I love you, not your money and fame".

Collective Wonder

2007-07-06T14:33:00.000+05:30

An age where you wonder
not because your heart felt
a rush of blood at the sight of beauty,
But because your heart stopped feeling

An age where you wonder
not because eyes didnt stop blinking
at the disbelief of seeing something supernatural,
But, because your eyes got used to seeing.

An age where you wonder
not because of your own instincts
that come from something more profound, more deep,
But, because your mind got used to planning

An age where you are
pleaded, cajoled, warned
To vote, To select, To Identify
The wonders of the world.

This is the age you enter
my friend;
The age of "collective wonder".

Lotus

2007-06-28T17:29:00.000+05:30

Pink and magnificient,
soft petals,
The tender roots,
Nature has given it all
Yet he broods
For he doesnt like the marsh lands
His home, his abode.

He wants to be with the rest,
the lillies, roses and sunflowers
in those magnificient gardens
They allure him, they invite him

And one day God granted his wish.....

Happy he was in his new environ,
the new green home of beauty
Among his brothers and sisters
He was now like them.

Then days passed by,
And he began to feel sad
Now he had become just another flower
another bloom like many,
his uniqueness lost, he repented
realized he did his folly,
The truth was now clear to him
The marshes he so despised
The marshes he thought a blot
The marshes he treated as enemy
Were actually a part of him,
They gave him, his unique beauty.

The Scratch

2007-06-20T10:18:00.001+05:30

Heavy Traffic
Buses,trucks,cars, rickshaws
All honking, all rushing
Wriggling from one corner to another,
At breathing distance with death
Everyone in rush to reach 'SOMEWHERE'
And so was I.

And then came the giant rickshaw
As he swayed from left to right
He could see no place to go
Yet his senses listened no more

One swoosh to the left
And my car became the victim
A scratch it gifted me
Frown on my face an addition.

Traffic moved, I moved
But the scratch didnt.
It spoilt my car,
and it spoilt my day.
For I am keeping it alive
In my mind,in my memory.
And I know it couldnt do so
If only, I knew how to let go,
If only, I could let go....

The Bridge

2007-06-19T14:58:00.001+05:30

And I crossed the bridge
Left that garden I had played in,
Had seen my childhood grow,
among the beauty of nature,
among those rosebeds,
among those flowing streams.

Now, on the other side
I see another vast land
of rivers, mountains, flowers
of chirping birds and of beasts
A land that is unexplored,
And I already hate it.
I despise it for I am scared,
Of the unknown.

I trudge along slowly, reluctantly
lost in the thoughts of my childhood
of the garden so green,
of that stream that I now miss.
And I long to go back.

Still living in that garden
I refuse to let go
And as the clock ticks by
I walk with my eyes closed.

Now with darkness increased,
I feel ever more frightened than before
Out of fear, out of sheer despair
I open my eyes again.
Ah! what a sight to behold...
I see the sun kissing those naked mountains,
Inviting me, calling out my name,
They say,"We are all your own".

And then I realize how foolish I was
How naive I could be
The garden I had left behind
Was the gate to higher beauty.
Now I know this truth,
Why God made it this way
The bridge of life my friend,
is just one way.

The Tie

2007-06-15T11:06:00.000+05:30

Miles away from my room
A prisoner for the day
I dressed up in tie and suit
In this hot month of may

This tie around my neck
The symbol of my captivity
I sit on this cushioned chair
Pretending smile of dignity

But Inside, I am stifled
For the free blood doesn’t flow
I feel like thorns pricking me
This tie is a thorny rope.

This tie hurts
Binds my breath
It seems like a loosing struggle
Between life and death.

Induction

2007-06-15T11:01:00.000+05:30

Sitting in this dark room
Lies after lies made true.
And we listen,
Fully knowing the lies camouflaged as truth.

What they will say we know,
What they hide we don’t
Yet knowing what they are upto
We continue to live in false hope.

This is a game my friend
Of deceit and upmanship
It’s the skill of fooling you
Enticing and feeding your ego.

The truth is out there
It’s so visible on their faces
Look at those mock fake smiles,
Hear those made up jokes.
And we are expected to laugh
Take them on face value.

They lost their path years ago
Then they lost themselves
And now they target you
Buying you from your own self

Uneasy

2007-06-11T15:40:00.001+05:30

Days have passed,
Nights have flown away
Seems like ages
Since I last wrote,
Gave words to my wandering thoughts.
Itching I am to create something new
To write some creative lines
that reflect, that mirror
what is deep inside.

I wrote about pain,
I sought answers
And now when I have figured it out
When my questions have dried
I feel uneasy, I feel restless
for I have nothing more to write.

My thoughts seem to have deserted me
My mind is no more full.
Emptiness that I longed for
is now making me jittery.

I wonder -
Were my poems feeding my ego
that no more is satisfied?
Or
Is this the freedom I so much wanted
Yet somehow now I despise?

Immortal

2007-05-31T14:58:00.000+05:30

Walk away from me,
Detest my sight,
Leave me alone if you want.
But I wait,
Till I become the water
And run into each cell of ur body,
bathe that filthy skin of yours.

Clip my wings,
Rein in my flight
Do as you please
But I wait,
Till I become the air
And seep through the tiniest pore
of these intimidating blind walls.

Take away my land,
Cut my feet to pieces,
Give me sufferings.
But I wait,
Till I become the soil
And spread my reach all over
world would be my home.

A victim of your guilts,
Personification of your fears,
You want me dead.
But I wait
Till you succeed,
and I live forever,
In mother nature,
Immortal.............

Thousand Square Feet

2007-05-24T14:15:00.001+05:30

man, Oh! MAN
I, Me, Myself
Still,
a stranger to oneself

cries, he CRIES
Understands me no one
But,
inner search never begun

runs, tiring RUNS
after fame and fortune
Forgets,
to sing to nature's tune

figts, bloody FIGHTS
for a land thousand square feet
Sleeps,
on a bed twenty square feet.

possessions, many POSSESSIONS
clinging on to the chest
Goes,
empty handed when put to rest.

Getting Naked

2007-05-23T15:37:00.000+05:30

Ages ago I lived
as a naked soul,
It scared you.
And you covered me
with a gold coloured veil

You said it is for my protection
from the scorching sun,
the chilling winds
and the maddening rains
And my innoncence trusted you

Days passed and years came
and then came centuries
And with each passing day
More veils I wore

And you laughed out loud
While my soul cried and missed
the sweet kiss of morning sun
that warmed his face,
the feel of the chilling winds
that seeped through his pores,
the dance of the mad rains
that bathed his heart.

You thought I would become you
And I almost did.
But then my soul is still alive
so this one last bid.

Though your veils are heavy
And I can no more feel
I am going to get naked
While you hold on to your veil.

After Thought

2007-05-21T15:33:00.000+05:30

Ah! The world of after thought
A world sans any
'What ifs?', 'If only!', 'Oh my god!'

A world pretty and beautiful
A world of no pain
Nothing to be left undone
No loss and no gain.

No tears of hurt to shed
No bad words ever said
Loved ones not living apart
No one with a broken heart

Nothing evil anymore to desist
But then would the good exist?
For there would be no comparison
No value for virtue of reason.

Then there would be no temple
No priest or no lord
There would be no you or me
Nor would there be any god

Reality

2007-05-21T13:13:00.001+05:30

You say that rose is red
And I claim its grey
Then we argue and fight
For nights and days
But neither of us realize
The cause of our anguish
The reason for our fight
That you saw it during day
And I in moonlit night.

Directionless

2007-05-21T03:06:00.000+05:30

In the garden of life as I lament
that path I havent been able to find
A path to follow till exit
into a world away from this grind.

I stop to think what if it happens
how would it then be?
I realize, then I would never know
what really is me?

For...
it's in this search of the path
that I have experienced the joy
of exploring paths that otherwise
I would have never known.

it's in this effort of looking around
that I have found the esctasy of discovering
a lonely rose in a bush
of weeds all full blown.

Walking through muddy paths
I have seen me getting all dirty
And then those hard maddening rains
mother nature cleansing my body.

In the repeated failures
I have realized the value of tears
That victory brings in you
as you overcome your own fears.

Every small step that I have taken
either right or wrong
A learning it has been for me
I am writing my own song.

The more I am lost in this garden
I discover some more of myself
Being directionless does have a direction
That is from you to your real self.

Butterfly

2007-05-18T17:23:00.000+05:30

Bright orange, dark maroon,
Shady red, yellow golden
Different colours, these tiny
These beauties in life garden.

That yellow one entices you
And you run to catch
But then her swiftness
A human hand cannot match.

Still you run after her
Trying to match the skill
And she keeps hopping around
Much against your will.

She doesnt give up nor you
Till your breath gives way
Victorious, she sits on top of you
"Come on! catch me, if you may"

The Last Lullaby

2007-05-15T23:08:00.000+05:30

The eyes have dried
For the tears are no more
The heart has emptied
For the feelings are no more.

A life as lifeless
As a pebble of stone
A mechanical being
Of pure flesh and bone.

Life no more holds promise
Dreams have left my shore
Heaven or hell after life
Make no difference anymore.

But still my angels
Messengers of merciless thee
Please listen to this last prayer
From the athiest in me.

Have meant nothing to any
Except those hands of love
That have rocked my cradle
And so I beg to you above

When those hands I no more feel
When your only gift you deny
Don't forget to put me to sleep
Sing to me one last lullaby.

Secondary Heart

2007-05-14T21:46:00.001+05:30

Still remember the day
When your love walked off
Leaving you alone, crying
You confused and wondering
What went wrong?
You felt betrayed,
You felt cheated
You had loved purely
So you thought
And she also claimed
Pious was her heart.
But was it true love,
Have you ever thought?

For wasn’t the mind asking,
What next? Where do you go?
How do you keep her with you?
What if she would go?
Many if’s, many why’s, many what’s
The mind kept playing truant
You schemed, you planned,
how to get her to be yours?
Relations, boundaries, expectations
these started to grow
And then you wondered,
Cried like a baby,
How did this happen?
How could she go?

But my friend,
The truth that you ignored
True love flows from the heart
sans the might of mind
But in the world of man
The mind is the king,
he plays the primary part
And true love cannot flow,
from a secondary heart.

Clouds

2007-05-11T18:10:00.000+05:30

Everyday I stare out of the window
at those dark clouds
that seem ever so static,
stubborn and stoic,
Dark, ugly, threatening.

And they stare back at me
An equal vigour, but
with the satirical smile
as if echoing everything bad
present in my life
They threaten me, i am overwhelmed
They gather strength, i feel weaker
I try to see beyond,
but their density blocks,
the slimmest light ray possible.
The more I stare,
the denser they get.
The hopes of seeing the sunshine
Diminish by the second
Till i look closer and realize
The clouds are moving,
Slowly, ever so slowly.......

My Life

2007-05-11T17:50:00.000+05:30

abra dabra dum dum
chin chin pum pum
blah bluh chiki chow
owan kuan chai che
bow dow pow show
da di da di da di dum

Words these......
meaningless, senseless, rhythmless
thoughtless, loveless, dreamless
Mirroring......
my LIFE!!!!

Birthday

2007-05-06T23:44:00.000+05:30

Everyone says, do celebrate
for today, the 6th of May,
29 years back,
was my first birthday.

And I wonder…..
WHAT?

Trashed dreams and lost hopes
A weakened soul, a pathetic loser
That is all that I am
Should this embodiment of defeat
I celebrate?

I was born like the millions
that were born that day
What was new in it?
What was out of the way?
A year of untruth added,
A year of sins added,
Should these achievements of mine,
I celebrate?

A life of transition.....
purity to impurity,
innocence to cunningness,
love to lust,
good to evil.
Depraving by the day,
Corrupting by the day,
Should this life of mine
I celebrate?

Where did I go wrong?

2007-05-03T12:52:00.001+05:30

Love -
What a beautiful word
What a beautiful thought
What a beautiful dream
A word never to be honoured
A thought never to be truly felt
A dream never to be realized

How often, how many times
Have you and I utterred
Our undying love,
unconditional, unsullied, uncorrupted.
Yet, tied to the whims
conditional to what is comfortable -
to you.

I had somehow been living
Wretched or otherwise I never cared
Was happy even though fake
I had never dared
to bare my soul to myself
to let the feel of human touch
deep within my heart.

You came in, on your terms
You made me yours, on your terms
You said be mine, I abided
Now you say no more
You have to go, for
you cannot compromize
the beliefs and practices
With which you have been brought.
And I stare at you, in disbelief
Shattered, destroyed and crying.

Only question that encircles me
Only misery the engulfs me
Like you say,
if it wasnt my fault,
then why the hell am I suffering,
where did I go wrong?

Breathing You

2007-05-03T12:51:00.000+05:30

As the last steps
Moved on to that stairs
Leading me into the plane
I switched off from the world,
But you.

I made myself comfortable
Bag, pillow and blanket in place
Switched on the TV
Relaxed myself from everything,
But you.

The plane took its flight
Delicious snacks got served
Nice food, lovely champagne
And an interesting movie
Was loving it and missing nothing,
But you.

The hotel room nice and comfortable
Have a TV, Kitchen, AC for company
Quiet hours for me to dwindle
Switch off from tensions at home,
But you.

You have been there With me,
running all over
in my mind, in my heart
Never thought I love you
So much, it hurts to be apart.
In these few hours,
I have realized
You are the air I breathe,
Death it would be,
Without you.

STOP

2007-04-26T15:54:00.001+05:30

Sitting on the lakeside
One fine afternoon
I picked up a few stones
And starting throwing them
The first one went in,
A few ripples and,
the lake got quiet again.
same repeated a few more times
The faster I threw,
Bigger the ripple, and
slower it’s restoration of normalcy.
The ripples grew farther and wider
As I kept throwing bundles of stones together
Some kind of sadistic pleasure it was
Some kind of animalistic enjoyment it was
Relentless I, Relentless lake
This turned into a fight of supremacy
Till I heard a voice scream from somewhere
STOP, Please……
STOP!

Drifters

2007-04-26T14:18:00.000+05:30

Man -
The inventor, The explorer,
The conqueror, The giver.
He is proud of his might
Flies high on the fantasy flight
He holds that glittering trophy
Of triumph over his destiny

Man –
The user, The worker,
The follower, The receiver
He is weak, trying to meet ends
Day and night his back he bends
He loathes in depravity
Of misery that is his destiny.

But fools both, that is how I see
The truth they both don’t see
In The river of life
Boats don’t move, they drift
And the mover is only that one source
The mover he, the drifters we
Ah, mere drifters we,
All drifters we.

Just A Thought

2007-04-26T10:21:00.000+05:30

I stared at the sun
Till the rays almost blinded me
“The brightness doesn’t suit me,
I don’t belong here”
So I thought

I stared at the moon
Till the dullness bored me
“The darkness doesn’t suit me,
I don’t belong here”
So I thought

Then I closed my eyes
And stared at the darkness
That led me into the brightness
That lived in my heart
“Yes this suits me fine,
I belong here”
So I thought
Or rather….
So I THINK !!!!

Itch

2007-04-25T13:42:00.000+05:30

Sometimes hands, the other times arms
And then the troublesome back
Here and there, now and then
They form shape.
An old wound or a flare
Or that allergy unknown

All they do is to make me fret
I fume, I anger, I wail
And then I vent my ire
Rub and scratch till it soothes
Only to flare again.
The more I scratch,
The more it grows
And more our intensity
Of outdoing each other.
Till the time comes when he
Grins and triumphs,
Laughing aloud over his prize -
my bloodied skin
And I watch mute,
Totally petrified.

Rains

2007-04-23T14:28:00.000+05:30

The clouds grow thicker, darker
Engulfing the sun, hiding the last rays
From my face,
Darkness looms large.

Confusion prevails, fear grips,
And slowly the drops descend
One, two, three….the counting starts
Till I loose all count.

The lightening strikes, blinding me
The thunder roars, deafening me
The rains grow heavier,
The eyes, face and body bathe
And the soul begins to wet.

Soon, the roads get flooded,
I trudge along, forcing myself
The gushing water threatens to drown me
I struggle harder, knowing nowhere
I am going, directionless…..

And then……….
the rain begins to relent,
the clouds give way,
and the sun rays warm my face.

Rains have cleansed me,
Lightened my heart
And I savor the sun light
These moments few,
Till it rains again

No Mind

2007-04-17T20:48:00.000+05:30

Whenever in the quieter hours of the mind
I talk to my heart.
I see him quietly weeping,
the tears of black colored blood.

He mourns the death of the child
Of innocence that once was him
When he didn’t know what was mind,
unaware of the tricks up his sleeve.

The blood in his veins then
Was shining pure red
For love sans any motives
Was filling his whole self

Then came the devil called the mind
And he started to take control
Every feeling, every act corrupted
The blood was pure red no more.

Now no amount of weeping will help
For even the tears are driven by the mind
And the heart wails for the time
Filled with nothingness but peace
A time when there is no mind.

Dwarfed

2007-04-17T20:47:00.000+05:30

I was born tall,
Well above the rest,
A free spirit of joy
Free from expectations,
of mine and others.
Till the world took over
And I began to dwarf.

Parents wanted me to stand,
firm on my feet
Sister wanted to see,
salutes for me to greet
Friends wanted me to rise,
win many a prize.
I wanted all of it
Didn’t want to miss a bit
And I began to dwarf

Every step I took,
Towards that dreamland
Of fame, power and money
A little bit of me
I sold for a penny.
Cut, sliced and decorated
I kept my being for sale.
And I began to dwarf.

Now, neither that dreamland
Nor do I see that infant
Dwarfed, I am struggling
To withstand the weight
of the world and of myself.
The infant cries out, pushes
Wants to be tall again
But alas! Not anymore
for I am dwarfed.

Silver Lining

2007-04-16T22:41:00.000+05:30

Many a times has this been said before
And so shall I repeat
Whatever happens, happens for good
Sometimes, there is victory in defeat

These clouds of gloom you see
Dark, ugly and threatening
But my friend don’t forget
Every cloud has a silver lining

The sun has to come out
If not today but one day
For change is what life is about
Nothing remains the same way.

Going Back

2007-04-10T22:43:00.000+05:30

Slipping through my hands
Slowly you are
Baby steps away from me
Walking you are

The more you slip
Tighter my grip
Farther you go away
Glued my feet stay

Times of happiness
Slowly I see ending
Back into emptiness
My life is drifting

Mr Priest

2007-04-09T19:43:00.000+05:30

That man -
       Bald head and saffron veil,
       The beard of grey zeal,
       White gown head to heels.
HE is the messenger of God
So he proclaims;
Thus his lordship says
       “You are insignificant, sinful and ignorant
       But I pure, pious and benevolent;
       I am THE chosen one, do as I say
       Close your eyes and follow me
       I will lead you into the right way”
You hold his hands with the hope
That cleansed of all sins one fine day,
Heaven will knock at your door.
And so you begin to pray
       “My lord take me into your fold
       This is my hand, please hold
       And here’s a green note for your hive
       In case you need food to survive”

Thus begins the business of faith
Of selling piousness off the shelf
Of rituals and rites for greater self
But that greatness never in sight
He never intended to, you never see the light
Your earlier sins were never wiped
Yes a few added and a few swiped.
And then again his lordship proclaims
       “You are insignificant, sinful and ignorant
       But I pure, pious and benevolent;
       I am THE chosen one, do as I say
       Close your eyes and follow me
       I will lead you into the right way”

Rat Race

2007-03-27T11:11:00.000+05:30

Lost in crowd everyone pushing
Trying to find a way of their own.
Millions of faces all around,
Yet, not one known.
Neither happiness nor sadness
these faces lifeless,
Caricatures of flesh and bones.

Emotions left on shelf
Just a race against oneself
To reach the top of world
But what that top holds,
not even one soul has ever known.

I, me, myself -
The ego coaxes you,
makes you run for fame.
Little do you realize
He is the master of this game.
You dream of power and prestige
A diamond crown and a golden seat
Till the time comes when you realize
You burned yourself in mindless heat.

Annihilated you,
No hands, no legs, no face.
And thus my friend,
your role ends in this rat race.

A New Beginning

2007-03-24T09:29:00.000+05:30

Step aside for I want to move
Don’t come in my way
Shut up for I want to talk
Now listen to what I say.

Enough of following you
Enough of holding your hand
What has your path given me?
Empty castles made of sand.

Castles built with dreams, just yours
Castles filled with hope, just yours
What was mine in it I wonder?
Painful sighs of my heart, again yours.

Enough of waiting for you
Enough of trying to change
What has your time given me?
Empty hours that made me insane.

Hours spent together in ways, just yours
Hours spent in silence, just yours.
What was mine in it I wonder?
Silent tears in my eyes, again yours.

Step aside for I want to move
Don’t come in my way
Shut up for I want to talk
Now listen to what I say.

Please don’t go

2007-03-05T12:15:00.000+05:30

As the days pass by
And the time comes near
To see it end, to see you go
Life without you scares me
My heart sinks, I feel low
And I cry out
My Love,
Please don’t leave me,
Please don’t go.

Then I realize there is time still
To live sometime more
There is another day to spend
Lying in your arms
Feeling you, touching you, kissing you
And letting you know
How much I love you
And beg you once more
My Love,
Please don’t leave me,
Please don’t go.

Living by the day I am
Till the time comes
Every moment, every second
I want to cherish.
When you pack your bags
And say that final goodbye
I won’t cry and, my smile
Will be saying to you
My love,
Please don’t leave me,
Please don’t go.

We-Till-Go

2007-02-25T12:29:00.000+05:30

Still remember the day as a kid of eleven
I first saw you greeting my ankle
Small and pure white, I wondered at you
Oblivious of the bearing you would have forever.

You started gaining control
Winning all the fights that we put
The worry passed on to me and I began to feel sick
And found ways to hide you under-cover.

Feeling of inferiority I felt
Those looks of people and sympathy of unknowns
I began to retrace into a shell
And the hatred for you grew stronger.

The so-called loved ones
Showed their back and walked away from me
The same me was an insult to them
And found newer ways to see me never.

Then I began to realize
What true love really meant and what society was about
The dreamer, the emotional fool in me died
And new I emerged much stronger.

Freedom I felt
From the opinions of the world and their ways
The realization that you are your own best friend
And nothing in this world lasts forever.

I embraced you
For because of you I realized my true self
You gave me much more than you took away
And I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

I shudder when I imagine
What I would have been without you
My guide and my friend, you my vitiligo
Till end comes, don’t leave, we stay together.

The Last Promise

2007-02-23T14:50:00.000+05:30

Walking bare feet on that lush green grass
Under the shimmering moonlight
I held your hand and felt you close to me.

Comfort in the uneasiness of our hearts
In the emotions that we never felt before
For once love talked and we listened.

Not a word spoken, not a hush made
Yet in silence we heard each other say
Promise you, I will never walk away.

Time though had some other plans
We were never meant to be one
And that night was to be our last.

Today, when I think of that starry night
I feel you as I see you in my heart
And a smile graces my lips.

Small droplets form shape in my eyes
These tears of joy that pain has given
The pain of being with you yet so afar.

Questions

2007-02-14T17:15:00.000+05:30

A mind with ideas great
A heart filled with love for mate.
And you form words to express these.
But then,
What do you do to the words,
That silence in you speaks?

Blaring horns into the ear
Shouting voices through the air.
And you shut your ears and your eyes.
But then,
What do you do to the noise,
That emptiness in you wails and cries?

Deep wounds through the skin
Painful memories kept within.
And you heal and time forgives.
But then,
What do you do to the pain,
That happiness in you gives?

Cheap tricks of people around
Selfish motives made to look sound.
And you detest them and their deeds.
But then,
What do you do to the hatred,
That love in you breeds?

Adhoora

2007-02-13T22:24:00.000+05:30

Adhoori subah, adhoori shaam
Adhoore din, adhoori raat.
Ye kaisa waqt hai chala
Adhoori maut, adhoori hayaat.

Adhoori aankhein, adhoore khwaab
Adhoore hoth, adhoori pyaas.
Ye kaisa wajood hai mera
Adhoori dhadkan, adhoori saans.

Adhoore ehsaas, Adhoori aahein
Adhoori khushi, Adhoore ghum.
Ye kaisa rishta hai hamara
Adhoore tum, adhoore hum.

Fat

2007-01-19T17:14:00.000+05:30

They say you are fat
No feminity, no tact.
Like a ball you are growing
Look how beauty in us is flowing.

You look at them and wonder
Was your creation some kind of blunder.
Inferior you start feeling within
As if being fat is a big sin.

They dont know who really is you
Nor do they know you when you are blue.
All they see is how you look outside
Would you be fun on the bedside.

They are fools and so become you
Like an animal caged in zoo.
In trying to follow their dictum
Loose yourself to them, become their victim.

Dilemma

2007-01-18T17:05:00.000+05:30

Everytime you take his name
My heart skips a beat
Everytime you talk of peace
In a shell do I retreat.

I am not the jealous kinds
Nor the one who would envy
The thought of you back to him
Scares the hell out of me.

You are mine, yet his
This truth hurts every day
Within me I feel you
Yet you are so far away.

Sometimes I want to destroy
All that we have had
But a life without you
Looks totally dead and sad.

What have you done to me
And what now do I do?
Life without you was hell
And life with you too.

Without You

2007-01-17T12:24:00.000+05:30

Without you,
Roses are still red but devoid of fragrance,
Birds do sing but the songs of sadness.
Rivers do flow but the water looks stale,
Mountains look green but the colour is pale.

Without you,
Stars still twinkle but nights are darker,
Sun does shine but the days are shorter.
Wind still blows but the air is humid,
Rain still falls but the feel is vapid.

Without you,
Parties every night but no dance partner,
Sex without bindings but the heart emptier.
Friends in plenty but no shoulder to cry on,
Loads of independence but no hand to hold on.

Without you,
Past left behind but present bleeds,
Smile on my face but the heart weeps.
Life has moved on but future stuck just as,
I haven't stopped living but my soul has.